Saturday, January 23, 2010 10:57 PM

The Khmer Rouge reached Phnom Penh and took power in 1975. The regime, led by Pol Pot, changed the official name of the country to Democratic Kampuchea, and was heavily influenced and backed by China. They immediately evacuated the cities and sent the entire population on forced marches to rural work projects. They attempted to rebuild the country's agriculture on the model of the 11th century, discarded Western medicine, and destroyed temples, libraries, and anything considered Western. Over a million Cambodians, out of a total population of 8 million, died from executions, overwork, starvation and disease.

Estimates as to how many people were killed by the Khmer Rouge regime range from approximately one to three million. This era gave rise to the term Killing Fields, and the prison Tuol Sleng became notorious for its history of mass killing. Hundreds of thousands fled across the border into neighbouring Thailand. The regime disproportionately targeted ethnic minority groups. The Cham Muslims suffered serious purges with as much as half of their population exterminated. In the late 1960s, an estimated 425,000 ethnic Chinese lived in Cambodia, but by 1984, as a result of Khmer Rouge genocide and emigration, only about 61,400 Chinese remained in the country. The professions, such as doctors, lawyers, and teachers, were also targeted. According to Robert D. Kaplan, "eyeglasses were as deadly as the yellow star" as they were seen as a sign of intellectualism.

How can these 235 words on Wikipedia sum up the whole Khmer Rouge?



Didn't blog for two whole weeks and time passes by really really fast.
Have been caught up in homeworks and revision. ):
I'm getting really stressed and scared for Olevels! D:

Last week,

• Received back Chinese Olevels results! :D
• Happy huge buffet with Ivy, Lydia and Jiajia on Monday (Super funny day!)
• Played and had lot of fun with XSP mates on Tuesday
• Dance practice on wednesday (2 blue blacks sprouted up! ): )
• XSP meeting and failed playing session on Thursday
• Rested/Rotted at home on Friday
• Elaine and Jinyun over at my house for Geo project on Saturday
• Ballet rocks, tuition sucks.

This week,

• Subway for lunch with Vanessa, buy Serene's present, lost my purse, study and gossip at my house, study at CC cafe, ballet on Monday.
• Happy birthday, serene! :D, studied with Elaine after school and slacked with Lydia a while after her CCA on Tuesday
• Dance on Wednesday. Learnt things about Tom on Wednesday and my heart broke. ):
• Study date with Celine and Sherry on Thursday, slept and couldn't be woken up by Celine haha.
• POD meeting, heart-to-heart talk cum lunch with Ivy, in tears on the bus but TinFung was there. :) on Friday.
• Collected edusave scholarship and gave tuition a miss on Saturday.

Sums up 2 weeks.

I wanna learn French.

Friday, January 15, 2010 12:01 AM

Tired of being me.

If you want to know what's disappointment, regret or guiltiness,
take a look at her.
Take a look at that girl, who cries her heart out in the toilet, wipes her tears after an hour and move on.
Cowering on the inside and smiling on the outside.
This time, it will be her last moment of weakness.

Sunday, January 10, 2010 10:49 PM

You take care, okay.

Haven't blog for 1 week already! ):
But, I'll try to remember.

31st Dec: Tuition in morning (last tuition of the year!), suki sushi with Sherry and Serene left me bankrupt! ): Went to school to meet Team asterisk to discuss B@s presentation. Camwhoreeee with old men statues. :) Sweeeeeet.

1st Jan: Went out with family to watch Bodyguards and Assasins at Junction8!
Great movie. :) I really admire all those warriors, they believed and had FAITH in Sun Yat Sen soooooo much that they are willing to die for him.
Wonderful people. Without them, what would become of us Chinese today? :)
Oh ya, I love Double Chocolate Ice Blended from Coffee Bean! It's sweeeeet. :D

2nd jan: Study date with Sherry in Hougang Mall, bought socks in Punggol Plaza and went tuition. Coolios.

3rd jan: Outing with XSP mates at east coast park. Couple cycling with Ivy is grrrrrrreat. Thanks for cycling so hard, Ivy! :D Enjoyed talking to her. Didn't try rollerblading. O: Didn't had dinner with them too. LOVE gossiping with Christina!!!! :D

4th jan: First day of school, sad. B@S presentation was managable.

5th jan: Second day of school, missed dance self practice, lunch with serene at kpt, went home and CRIED.
I love you ivy. you are one of the best friends I could ever have. thanks for specially coming to my house just to cheer me up, even though it was a wasted trip. thanks for gossiping with me till you're late for tuition, thanks for making me laugh. thanks for making me feel that im loved and lastly, thanks for making me feel that i always have someone to lean on.

6th jan: dance till late. Helped in the selection of sec ones. tired.

7th jan: dance, went to amk with serene and celine. Thanks for offering help, you guys! Glad I make you all laugh when you all are tailing me! Hah. After buying beads, ate at sumo house. CHEAP STUFF. next Asterisk outing should be there! :D Love.

8th jan: Dance performance was manageable. Managed to ignore the laughs. Hope we did okay. Dont wanna drop XMCD's standard. ):

9th jan: Long time no ballet, so I suck hah. Panting in Valse Pritemps AGAIN. Tuition was errr. People were sad and Amos is TOTALLY undistracting. I love eating in Sakura in CP.

10th jan: Accomplished a lot of homework and grocery shopping is fun! :) Bought a lot of sweeeeeeeeeets and milk and cheese. Dinnered at Pizza Hut. YUM. I love good food. If you have been eating takeaway food EVERYDAY, even a street stall selling ice cream is heavenly.

Kay, I think there will be one week of MIA-ing again. O:

I hate it when people compare you with me. It sucks. i know you are so damn much better than me la. i can see that. even a sec 1 kid also can see that you are smarter, prettier, cuter, have better leadership qualities than this stupid dumb wenche. i esp hate it when you act cute. they may not know but i know when you purposely act cute. and sometimes, when you criticise me, i try to laugh it off lor, come up with a super lame joke just to shrug it off. im not that perfect, okay. i have flaws and when you see it, you dont have to exclaim so loudly to the next table. i know im a damn lousy person, but i have never criticise you in front of anyone. to the best, i always praise you about how good you are. i hate myself of acting so perfect around you. i hate being in this pretence. i cant tell you what i feel cos you dont give opinions on the problem im facing, but the problem with me. thats why we always never confide in each other. if you like other ppl more than me, go talk to them. dont stick with me, i can only make myself even more lousy so that you can look better. i just wanna leave you, cant't you see. i dont care whether others think im horrible anymore. i rather stop suffering. im glad miss tan yiming know what i feel. lucky she wrote on the postcard that i should stop bottling things up and tell others about my problems. im so glad that finally, someone see me as the one being weaker instead of the stronger one.

Thursday, December 31, 2009 10:58 PM

I miss Cambodia.

Best video I ever seen.
This totally express what my heart feels.
One month has passed, but I can still feel all of you in my heart.


没有你们的第30天.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009 5:42 PM

Really really tired of all these trips.

Finally finally finally back.
Finally finally finally not going to fly off to some foreign country and face a totally different weather.
Finally finally finally not going to experience the dizzying plane rides.
Finally finally finally, I'm home. :)

YAY, I'm done with all my trips to Cambodia, China, Malaysia and Taiwan. (:
It may be fun travelling in a plane to a different country but once you travel to 4 countries in a less-than-two-months span, you'll die of fatigue.
You won't have enough sleep, you can't suit to the weather and you can't go out with your friends cos they have to fit your schedule!! D:
So, finally, when you reach home, you realise that this is the place where you finally get to settle down and not worry about the weather, the people, the shopping, ...
I feel so happy now! :D Missed Singapore a lot a lot.

Ohoh, I realised I haven't blogged my China daily reflections. ):
Shall do it soon. :)
On Monday, woke up early and went to school. Cos have to meet MdmGwee for some dance admin.
Talked a lot about random stuffs and went dance room to talk with Franny and Jiahui.
I feel bad gossiping about her la, but then, I feel that she changed a lot. ):
She used to be my role model and inspiration but now, she became just another teenage girl, looking for guys that kind. ):
I missed the old her, I need inspirations! D:
Went home and rest. Vomited like shit on Sunday when I came back from Taiwan can.
I think my body can't adapt to that much weather at once. ):

Then on tuesday, went to meet archive team in the morning.
They crazy one, go meet at 8am. O:
Of course, I'm a normal human being, so a normal human being went there at 9+. :)
Saw the video, pictures, ..
Cried again. ): Cos I just dreamt of Bros, Kadeb and Sohm yesterday night and they can't really remember me and I remembered my whole family went and we bought cakes for them and they were so amazed to see a cake and when I woke up, I was crying. Like tears were rolling down my cheeks. ):
Missed them a lot after I watched the video. )):
Then, after their discussion, went MiniToons go buy someone's Christmas present.
Vicki funny la, keep wanting to buy more. O:
I think one's enough! :D
Saw Yingting, said hi, said bye, esther and weili go home.
Then, me Ivy Vicki go have lunch and then, go balcony talk.
I like the balcony there. :) Niceeeeee and I think I must have been a spoilsport lor.
Cos my stomach damn pain. ):
Went home early and I'm sorry, Wilson for not going out with you. ):
Stop being angry/upset/whatever and reply my smses next time! D:

Then, today woke up late and immdiately chiong to tuition liao.
Being a filial student, I go buy pau for my teacher to xiang ta pei xui for skipping a month's lesson. O:
She damn kind can! :) Never scold me one and I touched an endangered species in her house. Called a pignose turtle.
Cos the nose like turtle like that. And she super funnaye can!
Call one turtle Right. I expected the other one to be Wrong but then it's Left LOL. O:
One boy, one girl, brother and sister. :)
It's endangered since 2005 but my teacher's husband bought them in 2001 so they get to keep it. :)

I admire my teacher's husband lor! He love animals like crazy.
Our teacher say he buy all the crabs from Sheng Siong to release them in the Punggol River HAHAH.
Super sweeeeeeeeeeeeet right, next time, I also want a husband like him! :D
Kay, I wanna nap now! :)

Friday, December 18, 2009 2:00 PM

Cambodia daily reflections

ALL THE REFELCTIONS BELOW ARE CARRIED OUT ON THE DAY ITSLEF AND ITS ALL COPIED FROM MY REFLECTION BOOKLET WORD FOR WORD.

DAY ONE
Being on this Cambodia trip, I hope to give by rendering my help to the orphans as much as possible. It is unfair that a person the same age as me is living in a COMPLETELY different world from me. But I can make it fair by helping these kids. Just a smile on their face, a hope for their lives, a realisation that people do care. I have been taking things for granted in Singapore until these few weeks when I start to realise just how lucky am I. I see the orphans with no shoes, no food, no clothes but yet, they are still contented. We have so much more than them, but why are our feelings so different? I hope to make myself really useful on this trip. I wanna leave something with them. I wanna them to remember how XSP made them feel. I hope that future generations of XSP would continue to visit this orphanage to check up on them, just to let them know that we still care and never abandon them. Just to let them know that they are never alone.

DAY TWO
I feel that the places I saw today were really disturbing. When I went to each temple, there are bound to be small little kids begging us to buy something. There are things I do not want to buy but I felt so troubled and worried for them when I rejected them. I don't want to reject them but then, I have no need of those stuff and I don't want to waste money. It hurts my heart to reject people who are BEGGING you. Some children need this money to go to school. I'm troubled that I did not get to do even 1 small thing for some of them. How I wish I could hug them and tell them that I'm really sorry. I hope they don't lie down on their beds at night, think about me and identify me as "the person who refused to help me today". I'll pray that they forgive me. And also, I hate the fact that there are actually people who force them to beg. I hate them. I promise that one day, when I grow up, I will eliminate all of these child abusers. They'll get their retribution, trust me.

DAY THREE
I think many things unexpected happened today. Unlike some of the XSP members, I was not that amazed and shocked by the orphans' joy in seeing us, the conditions of the rooms and the enthusiasm that they had. Whenever we are walking on the roads and passed by someone, I would say "Hi." I don't know why, but why don't we do that in Singapore? Here, in Cambodia, everyone is everyone's friend. The whole little lane lies a family. I love to be in this kind of family. Sometimes, I really dislike the conditions of the rooms. It's hot, stuffy, dusty, dirty and there is like one big bee there that is threatening to bit us at any moment. But when I see the orphans barefooted, running in the sand, going down into the muddy pool to take a ball that WE had dropped, I just feel that "If they can do it, why can't I?" As in, why can't we do it too? Are we any different? I started to run on the sand with only my socks, endured the heat, you know. I did things with them. And I think it's beacuse of them that I feel so high today. I shared the same thing that they are feeling, I laughed the same way they did. It's like they gave me energy. I played the same games with them and when we were doing the chicken dance, how do I say it? I felt that our heart beat as ONE. How wonderful it is to understand a person from a totally different world. I can't wait for tomorrow, just to see their faces one more time. Even though I won't be in the team that is interacting with them tomorrow, it's fine. It's only one day but I already love them so so much.

DAY FOUR
When I shared my reflection yesterday, I did mention that the power that they gave me. Even though I did not get to interact with the kids at all today, I helped them by painting the walls and doing the cement. Man, do I hate the dirt, the GAZILLIONS of grapsshoppers, ants, worms, ... Euw. But then, I did not complain about my situation a single bit. Somehow, I keep telling myself that if they can do it, why can't I? If they can endure the dirt, why can't I? I felt that I accomplished a lot today. Though I'm not the one playing or interacting with them, I felt proud of myself that I had played a part in making a new space, a new room, for them to draw their dreams in. I feel that the team I'm working with rocks. We sang while cementing, digging, shovelling and we cheered each other on. And I feel that as time goes by, I'm starting to get closer to people I never knew so well last time. And if I were to do everything all over again, I would stop all the personal conversations that we shared cos the kids are waiting for us. I would talk to every kid if I have the time and know them all personally. I would high five each of them, give them a hug, and tell them "I love you". I would make everything perfect for them. However, I would not want to change the atmosphere, the ambience, the LOVE. The quote that Mr Tay shared with us today, "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." This quote sets me thinking. What is it that we had made them feel? I do not know. I don't think anyone in XSP knows either. But to me, I will always remember how they made me feel. My first love.

DAY FIVE
Oh my, when I read my day one reflections, my heart broke. Here's what I wrote: "rendering my help to the orphans as much as possible", "Just a smile on tehir faces, a hope for their lives, a realisation that people do care", "I wanna leave something in them and I wanna them to remember how XSP made them feel". Last but not least, I wrote " future generations of XSP to go back there, just to let them know that we still care and never abandon them. Just to let them know that they are never alone". During these days' reflections, many people in my group doubted their genuine reactions to our activities. Did they really enjoy our games? Did their smiles quite reach their eyes? But today, when I see their tears, I knew it was right from their heart. It was tears of sadness, joy, misses and gratitude, all rolled into one drop. When I hugged each and everyone of them and tell them the same sentence, "Knyom sroline neak" (I love you) over and over again, I felt their love for us too. When they cried till their eyes were red, I knew they were sincere. I knew they shared the same feelings I did for them as well. And that made me even sadder, the realisation that all this while, we are the ones who had doubted them. How sad it is for me to realise that. I am ashamed. But then, I feel that I had achieved what I had planned to do in day one. I did all those things and I'm happy to say that maybe we are THE team, and not just ANOTHER team. Today, when I was hugging a boy, he cried and asked me when am I coming back. My heart shattered cos I didn't know. But right then and there, I know I have to be back, I have to be there to witness their growing up years, to play all those games together again and to share those laughter, jumps, craziness one more time. When I was on the bus, I kept praying that suddenly, Miss Lie and Mr Tay would change their minds and decide to stay there for one more day. But that didn't happen. I knew it's going to be up to us now to take the initiative to come back. We can accompany future generations of XSP to Savong to help out. I am more than willing to do so and I'm the whole XSP are too. I'm so glad that all of this happened, that all of us made the same choice of joining XSP, that our parents made the same choice of letting us go to Cambodia and that all of us made the same choice of giving out our hearts to them and never expected anything in return. So, I promised myself that this is not the end of a wonderful chapter in my life, but just a temporary stop till next year where we can see 2 generations of XSP students heading on the same road together, having the same dream and sharing the same heart. How great is that? GO XSP! I always knew we could do it. :)

DAY SIX
When I stepped into the Genocide museum, a wave of sadness swept over me. The whole building exudes a negative feeling and it saddens me a lot. When I was watching the movie, I shedded tears when the old woman said that till now, even after she is old enough to understand things, she still had not understand why Pol Pot and his clique would want to seperate families apart. The love between Seda and Sethi is also tragic and heartbreaking. Whenever I walked one step into the building, I kept thinking whether if Pol Pot or some other perverted guy stepped the same step as me. It shocked me to see that there are things that were so real, the 2 millions of people killed. When we are looking at the photos, it saddened me to see so many lives lost all beacuse of a person's selfishness. It was even worse when I noticed that some people were still young and good looking. I felt angry and disgusted by the torture methods Pol Pot carried out. Cos it's like, seriously, who would be so CRUEL to pluck out fingernails, rape and hammer fingers just for them to admit things that they never did? Who would have such a lousy character to lie to more than 7 million and killed 1/3 of them? I hate Pol Pot.

Lastly, here's a video that made my eyes water whenever I see it on Channel V in China just a few days ago.

Friday, December 4, 2009 10:05 PM

China feels like such a bore compared to Cambodia. O:

Gah, I miss Cambodia so so so so much. ):
And I have to leave for china tomorrow night! ):
How I wish I can just skip on to another plane once I reach the terminal.
I'll fly all the way to Siem Reap to meet Savong in a tuktuk! :D
Heheh, that's gonna be my escape route! :)

I haven't started packing yet and I totally should start now because the weather's gonna be super cold there. ):
But i have no motivation to do it. ):
Dreading the trip tomorrowwwww. ):

Kay, I gonna stop now, should upload pics on facebook or else, ):